My problem is that I have two daughter-in -laws who live with me. The eldest one has three children while the younger one has two. My both sons are working in a firm with reasonable earning. We do not have any financial problems, however my both daughter in laws are always fighting. They always have problems and are complaining about each other. Their temper is always high when it comes to work in the kitchen. The limit is that they even argue and fight on boiling the water and keeping in the Refrigerator. The atmosphere of the house is spoiling daily. (Maimona Kareem, Lahore)
Advice: Sister, in my opinion your issue has aroused because of wrong planning. Now a day’s even sisters don’t like to live with each other. This has only one solution that you gather your sons and daughter in laws for a meeting. Discuss with them the problem and current situation. Advise your sons for building a separate kitchen. If this is not possible, then schedule work for your daughter in laws so they don’t fight over work. If boiling water is the problem, then buy a filter with everybody sharing the cost. Big joint families always have to suffer when it comes to work. And now people don’t have patience which has increased this issue tremendously. Take care of some of the responsibilities yourself and keep a check on it. Being elder in the family is not enough; you have to act grown-up as well.
Complicated Personality:
I have two sons. My husband passed away 8 years back. Both my sons are studying in good schools. Thanks to Allah that we are leading a reasonable life. I feel my eldest son has a very complicated personality. He does not like talking to anyone. If he sees anyone doing any unfair thing, he gets scared. I am very upset due to his personality; now he does not pay attention to his studies either. He does not have a father who can guide him. Please advice on what should I do. (Naheed, Multan)
Advice: Sister, May Allah gives you enough strength to live your life with courage. I appreciate you that you are leading your life without a support of your husband in this world. Be hopeful regarding your son. Pray to Allah after every prayer. Mother’s prayers are very powerful. Let your son meet your relatives. Let him make friendship with good company. Ask him to read knowledgeable and religious books. Narrate him the stories of our Prophet’s companion so that he becomes strong. You can also provide him tuition with a good teacher who can work on bringing up confidence in him. Loss of his father has actually shattered his confidence. He will be fine when he socializes.
The drawback of Co-education:
My both sons are studying in O level. We have a very moderate kind of environment at home. It means that we are not strict or very lenient. But my son’s behavior is very different. Specially my eldest son, who is very much inspired with his class fellow and he keeps talking to his class fellow over the phone. If I say anything to him, he feels bad. My husband also does not stop him. I am very upset. How should I educate him so that his personality does not take the habits of bad environment in the fufture. (Begum Shahnawaz, Multan)
Advice: Sister, this issue is now in almost every house in today’s generation. One who like to move with the pace of the world, they often tend to lose their right direction. May Allah lead your son to the right path. Co Education often leads to misleading independent behavior in individual. You should make him understand and never leave him. Make him busy in such activities that his mind does not stray to other wrong behaviors. You also need to pray and make your children also pray. Good conduct is the only aim of lives. You should also never give up on this matter and show strength and patience. Insha Allah you will succeed. Actually, media is the reason for all such problems. They have finished the difference between good and bad. In order to achieve a good conduct in life, we need to understand the difference between good and bad.
Strange mental tension:
I am involved in a very complicated mental state. I understand everything but am unable to solve it. When I attend any gathering, I want to look different and the best. I am good looking as well. If I see any other guy with better dressing than mine, then I get into a weird state of mind which I can’t explain. I get so angry that I feel like spoiling that guy’s face. I know that this behavior is not right but I have no control over it. (Shamrez, Karachi)
Advice: This is not something that you should worry about. Do not try to control your feelings like that. Whenever you attend any event and you come across with same feeling, you should read Durood Shareef and drink water in small sips. InshAllah such feeling will subside. Also whenever you see yourself in the mirror, read Surah Fatiha and Thank Allah for giving you eyes, nose, mouth etc. There are many people in the world who are not blessed with these blessings. When you will feel difference in your thinking, your mental state will also be stable.
