Excellent life: Only by following the life of Aulia ALLAH we can lead an excellent life. (Khawaja Shams udin Tabraizi رحمتہ اللہ علیہ)
Listen if your wife has so many bad habits than definitely she must be having some good habits as well because there is no person in the world that only has bad habits. The psychiatric gave him a piece of paper and asked him to write some good habits of his wife as well.
Only tell about the bad habits of this master piece
Although we have been listening to this example since childhood, but it’s possible that some Ubqari readers may not have read about it, that’s why writing about it will be better. It so happened that one painter painted a painting with true dedication and hard work, he took notice of it from various angles, and he could not find any flaws in it. Even then his heart was not satisfied so he took it to a painter more skilled than him and requested him to highlight any flaws in the painting if any. This painter put the painting in a crossway and wrote a note on it “Tell us about the flaws in this painting”
Every passing person used to see this painting and mark on flaw on the painting with a smile. After some days when the painter saw his painting he saw only mistakes remained on it. You know why this happened? Were there really so many mistakes on it, was it really not a master piece. It was not like this, it was a master painting but the problem was that human recognizes the flaws and mistakes in everything very easily, it’s his nature. But he finds it difficult to recognize the qualities and it’s not special for any one person but we all have this weakness.
The biggest reason of household quarrels
The biggest cause of our increasing household quarrels are these faults and weaknesses, we live with each other, we share happiness and sadness, we share our food but the quarrels are so much that it seems as if all the family wants to take lives of each other. If you go to the bottom of these quarrels, you will find only one reason and that is everybody searches for other’s flaws or faults.
One psychiatrist write in his book about this angle that one person came to him and started to complain about his wife. Not one but many complains about his wife. In few minutes he established that his wife was the most incapable woman in the world and now he has reached a conclusion that he will divorce her. According to him that was the only solution remaining for him for his problems. The psychiatrist listened to him carefully and said if your wife has so many bad habits definitely she might have some good habits too because there is nobody in the world who has only bad habits. The psychiatrist gave him a piece of paper and a pen and asked him to write down some good habits of wife as well. The psychiatrist went out of the room for 15 minute, when he came back this person had written four good habits of his wife.
Husband and wife are used to criticize each other
One psychiatrist said its clear to him that those husband and wife are also committing the same mistake as done by other married couples. Both of you are trying to look down upon each other unnecessarily. You are used to criticize each other and focus more on each other’s weaknesses and bad habits. You do not let go any chance to criticize on each other. But you can change this bad habit it you want to. By taking these four habits that you see in your wife now. Look for other good habits in your wife as well, its possible that you accept them in your heart but do not want to mention them. Maybe it satisfies your ego. The psychiatrist told him to uplift and encourage each other instead of looking down upon one another and also try to make her understand to do the same thing for you. Try to follow my instructions and inform me about the result later. According to the psychiatrist this person never thought of divorcing his wife again.
I disagree with this!
Many of us think that they should not praise anyone in front of him, instead there is a saying in our society that “it’s better to praise someone behind his back” but some people disagree with this completely. If you like something about someone you should say that you like it. If you like someone’s humble attitude than say that you like it and you value it. It looks like a kind of encouragement that makes others to continue their good deeds and remain strong with their good habits and behavior. Most of the people remain complaining about the bad habits in their relatives, very few people search for the good habits in others.
Adopt this habit, you will be very happy
Do not think by this that every person or place has only good habits and they do not posses bad habits at all. It’s not our purpose to completely avoid the bad things or attitudes in the society and do not try to overcome these illnesses. The purpose is that whatever kind or race the people belong to, all are equal. If you always look for their weaknesses and bad habits you will always be in trouble or difficulty and people will not like you, does not matter who you marry, work anywhere or stay at some place. But if you adopt this habit of searching for good habits or behavior in others you will make friends. People will like you, not only this they will themselves admit their weaknesses but will try to correct them. Thing positively and focus more on the good values will keep you happy as well. You will achieve more success but the condition is the same that you give more importance to the positive side of things. Encourage the positive behavior of others and adopt the habit of praising others. Remember there is nothing that is free of weaknesses so why are you worried about it? Your work is to search for the good things and encourage it.
