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Is Grooming of Children the Responsibility of the Mother Alone?

Ubqari Magazine - November 2014

Readers! No mother wishes ill of her children. Yes, one can disagree with her method. But if she is destined to have a bad husband, then he is only destroying the children to irritate his wife. In this the loss is not of the father but of his generations.

B. R. Bahawalpur

Readers! Today I have come before you with a chapter of our society about which only a few people talk. And due to this cancer in the homes our generations are being ruined. The cancer is that in our society such men exist who consider it their duty to beat, humiliate and scold their wives in front of their children. They teach their children to be against their wives and walk with pride. And when these children grow up what effects they have on their personality, I shall talk about this today. Who has a more role to play in grooming the children, the mother or the father? According to our society the grooming of the child starts from the lap of the mother. And if the mother is willing to train the children well and the husband does not cooperate, and does not give that respect to his wife that she deserves. The same husband when children gain consciousness and if the mother scolds or stops the child from doing something wrong or using foul language and if the husband humiliates the wife in return and uses harsh words and starts beating the wife and punishes her, even though the child abused her mother in front of her father. Even then instead of punishing the child he beats the wife and humiliates the mother! So what can the mother do in such a situation to groom the child??? If the husband cooperates with the wife to groom the children well, the children can grow up in a better environment and and become successful people. Why does our society say that only the mother can groom the children, whereas I think that both mother and father collectively groom the children. Yes, in such situations the mother grooms the children alone, when the husband goes out of the country for business or if the woman is a widow. Upon this it is seen that how the mother groomed the child. But when the husband and wife live with the children then both of them are responsible for grooming the children. The children can be groomed well in such a situation when the husband supports the wife. If the mother is scolding the child about something, the husband should say to carefully listen to the mother. Whatever she is saying is right. It was your mistake. In future, I should not listen to you and give respect to the wife. Boys specially copy their fathers. They behave with their mother like their fathers. These days a few children scare the mother about their fathers. The mother should have the right to be able to complain to the father.

In our society the husbands who are more credulous, the children also become clever. And they see that if they tell the father anything against the mother, he will not ask the mother. Rather they will scold him. In such a state what would be the state of the mother whose own children could not become her due to the husband. They were kept away from education. Everything else was bought for them such as iPad, mobile, internet, so much so that movies were seen with them. Now in such a state what would be the grooming of the children? When the head of the family abuses the mother in front of her children, in such an environment the mother is far from the children emotionally even though she is near them physically. Who is responsible for all of this? I think that the time has come when the right to scold her children has even been snatched away from the mother. And this is probably a sign of the nearing of the judgement day.

Readers! No mother wishes ill of her children. Yes, one can disagree with her method. But if she is destined to have a bad husband, then he is only destroying the children to irritate his wife. In this the loss is not of the father but of his generations. He does not even imagine that children are priceless assets. The one who is ruining the children to humiliate the wife, they will beat the same father with shoes upon growing up. If the mother is angry and he wants to satisfy his mother, and if he is conscious about his mistake, there the ignorant husband would say that there is no need to reconcile with the mother. What should the child do there? Whose voice should he listen to? The world should see both of the sides. That how much is the man responsible for this grooming? At least he should stop the children from bad behavior! If the mother is stopping, he should not side with the child. Rather he should help the mother and not that he should humiliate the mother. The personality of the child is harmed at this point in such a way that the father gives him some money. And if the same father teaches the child methods to break the locks of the mother's cupboards. In such a state what would the children learn? The grooming of children is conditional upon the relationship of the parents. If their relations are not nice, and if the father keeps on trying to lower the wife in front of the children and to do this he keeps on spitting poison from his mouth against her, how would the child become sincere with the mother? If the son does not become sincere with the mother, he would not become sincere to anyone for the rest of his life. Till today nor it has been heard or seen that is a dispute between husband and wife the father tries to take sides with the children and turns them against the wife. Rather whatever the wife says, he goes against it. Then the children do the same thing. Wait! You are snatching their heaven from them. The father cannot become mother. Humiliating mothers about trivial things, only Allah can give strength to such mothers that right in front of their eyes, their father is taking them to the path of destruction. This is the height of insensibility. decide it yourself that whether mother and son groom the children collectively or whether only the mother does that? Readers! Due to some ignorant men, our whole society is being affected. Specially the crafters of our future, our children, how would they become better human beings?

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