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Ubqari Magazine - August 2013


The main cause of animosity between people is living together . Shocked??? No I m explaining it in a negative way but it is not like that.

ANIMOSITY IN ELDERS:  The case of childhood is different but when you grow up, the thoughts and passions change into maturity and serenity and then when something hurts you at this age; it has a long lasting effect. During childhood, you become happy in a second and become sad quickly as well. Once you mature, when you are happy you feel it with all your heart and that happiness rejoices and excites you for a long time. On the other hand, when you are hurt, sadness fills in your heart and everything around you is sad and blue and it affects you for months and years. Take the example the death of any family member; children forget it so easily but whenever you think about the person your smile turns into tears

There is another difference between children and elders; children are not able to hide their happiness or sadness while elders are much experienced to do so. You have experienced the harsh words of your friends but you hide it and don’t  want to show it to the person  and whenever you meet the person you don’t meet her with all your heart and you try to pretend that everything is normal. Apparently you are smiling but you heart is full of tears. Anyhow, leave it. You might not like this discussion but I expressed just because I want to tell you how elders feel and how they control their emotions, mould them and  make them feel other way round.

Most of the times the major cause of animosity is that we live together. Why are you shocked? I am not opposing the idea of living together; it’s a gift of Allah that he compels us to live in a society and because of that we are civilized, developed, progressive, skillful and visionary today. If we don’t  live together how will we meet our requirements, how will we interact with each other and there would be no feeling and how this much development would be done. Whatever we have today, it is all because of living together. Otherwise we would be a flock of cattle and lead our life like an animal. It is because of living together that we do help each other. We are not an angel; to err is human and when you make a mistake, nobody likes it which is the main cause of animosity and grudges between people and we don’t remember the good deeds.

For example if somebody wipe his face from my veil, it’s an enmity for life. You will never talk or treat that person nicely. At least in this case you are blaming someone for some mistake. Sometimes, issues create out of nowhere. The aunt sits on the ground for ablution and your clothes get dirty; that is another mess. You think of telling her but you forget and one day the dirty water touches your clothes. That’s it; you will be furious.

Leave this also. Issues are also like why her drainage falls in my compound. Why she looks at me that way? Why she wears such strangeclothes? Such suspiciousness gives hype to the animosity. Other people interfere and take interest in. For example neighbors come by and discuss things which evolves arguments and "make much ado about nothing”. For example the can say, ”Sister, I don’t like your bari apa; she is lounging around whenever I see them or she is pampering her children.” With this discussion and back stabbing, the pain of workload shall increase and you will develop a hatred for your bari apa.

Sometimes expectation develops and when they are not fulfilled, you become negative. You clean your sister’s room and expect her to do your dishwashing the next day. If I have knitted her sweater, then she has to do the embroidery of my quilt cover. And in case somebody doesn’t repay the favors people get annoyed and start thinking absurd about the person and then problem arises when people do not act up to your expectations.

Our animosity erupts on little things like if you use your sister’s thread and when she needs it you forgot to buy her a new one. She waited for few days but you completely ignored it. Finally, when she demanded then instead of being apologetic, you get annoyed at her saying that don’t you trust me that I’ll return your thread, you must be ashamed of yourself - such kind of behavior worsen the relations and especially, the saying of Prophet PBUH skips from our mind:

‘The person who snatches the right of a Muslim, hell is must for him and heaven is haram. A person asked, O Prophet, what if it is a small thing? The Prophet PBUH replied, even if it is a miswak.”

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